text

Published

in

The definitive don’ts of subterranean dining: Food not fit for the TTC

In a post-French Toast Guy Toronto, what foods should we not choo-choose to eat while commuting?

By Anna-Giselle Funes-Eng

a photograph of a subway station with people standing in front of the entrances
Feeling snackish at Dundas station, a TMU student drinks pop while waiting for the train. (Anna-Giselle Funes-Eng/CanCulture)

The results from hell are in, and the hottest Toronto dining location is officially the subway platform of Bathurst Station (westbound, specifically) and the northbound Line 1 University train! That is if you are French Toast Guy, a man who dined on the TTC complete with a small table and bib napkin last week. 

The Toronto phenomenon, now outed as a corporate marketing ploy by Wendy’s Canada to promote their new french toast sticks, compels us to look within ourselves and ask: are there really foods I shouldn’t be eating whilst riding the rocket? And the answer is a definitive, solemn yes. 

But not to worry, snackish commuters! I have all the answers. Here is a comprehensive guide to what foods should simply not be eaten on the subway.

A Hong Kong-style lobster tower

A three-foot mound of fried lobster may seem like a good travel snack in theory, but eating your body weight in seafood is often better left for above-ground settings. 

A fully set 1950’s style jello salad

a photograph of a lower half of a body wearing a pink shirt and holding a knife and folk in their hands as a plate red jello sits in front of them on the table they're seated at
(cottonbro studios/Pexels)

This jiggly snack might not fare well in the stop-and-go jolts of the train and will absolutely end up in a mushy pile on the ground. Either let the jello salad die to history, or leave it to be enjoyed at your grandparents’ house while you defend your identity at the dinner table. 

A roasted one-eyed pigeon on a stick

a photograph of a pigeon
(Anita awasthi/pexels)

In my experience, any stray pigeons who have made their way onto the train may find it to be grotesque and descend upon you in a murderous squawking cacophony. There is plenty of time to eat pigeons outside of your commute.

A ten-foot-long loaded Subway sandwich

(Rajesh TP/Pexels)

Even if you think it will, it won’t fit in your tote bag. An upside to this one, though, is that your friends can use the trail of shredded lettuce you leave behind to locate you should you become lost in the PATH. 

Todd A. Penegor, Wendy’s CEO

a grey scale image of a sculpture of a white man with a translucent image of a hammer and sickle in the background
(Steve Harvey/Pexels)

Feast off the man who got rich feasting off stolen wages from minimum-wage workers! Not quite a subway snack – but there is nothing tastier than wealth-hoarding white men disproving the myth of meritocracy.

 A 40lb tub of freezer-burnt ice cream

a photograph of a tub of ice cream in a freezer
(Dev Benjamin/Unsplash)

Wouldn’t eating straight out of a bulk-sized tub of cookie dough ice cream taste better while cry-watching Love, Actually with your friends? Plus, depending on the length of your commute, there’s a heightened risk of ice cream soupation.

Hopefully these guidelines will keep you out of both jail and the TTC no-ride list! Stick to ‘em, and you’ll be riding the underground rocket with perfect dining etiquette in no time.