Take a deep dive into the actuality of being in a long-distance relationship and discover the secret to getting through it all

By: Sia Shete

And in Life’s noisiest hour,

There whispers still the ceaseless Love of Thee,

The heart’s Self-solace and soliloquy.

The Presence of Love; Samuel Taylor Coleridge.

Being invested in a long-distance relationship translates to being homesick for a person, more so than anything else. It’s odd really, how we simple human beings can feel an emotion so complex and so utterly deep as the love that drives us to go to lengths for one another. 

Sometimes the price you pay for wanting someone in your life is the distance. The pain, the nights lying awake cursing time and distance for standing in the way. 

You wish they lived just a few miles closer and wish even more so to have the power to be able to run down and throw your arms around them. Unfortunately, that’s a luxury not every one of us can afford.

 Nonetheless, every day is a new chapter in the book. For too many long-distance lovers, distance is just like the grains of sand in an hourglass; waiting to run out. Although long-distance relationships are all about proving whether “your love for one another is stronger than the space between you,” there’s more to it than what meets the eye.

Nurturing a long-distance relationship can be tricky and challenging but also rewarding at the same time. It isn’t always about having the most perfect relationship—an illusory ideal that will look and be different for everyone— but about finding someone who will stick through the bad times just like they would the good times, by your side.

People don’t essentially go looking for a long-distance partner, the majority of them just happen to turn into one. A 2019 survey showed that 68 per cent of people had a “limit” for distance within the state lines or closer, opting to look for romantic relationships in proximity. 

It also showed that most couples that end up adapting to long-distance meet either on dating apps or sites. Another reason behind the birth of a long-distance relationship is either moving away to a new region and/or country for further education or work. There comes at least one point in a couple’s life when they have no other option but to lead lives away from one another for a specific period of time. Although this is inevitable in certain situations, some couples move borders just so they don’t have to deal with the problem of “distance” altogether. 

Long-distance relationships, however, don’t have to be the worst-case scenario. But only those truly committed—to making a relationship work under tumultuous conditions, and to one another— can make it through.

For centuries, relationships had always contemplated distance. And during the 1800s and a part of the 1900s, there was no technology to keep partners connected over a video call, let alone a phone call. Letters were the sole medium of communication for weeks, even months and yet a good chunk of these relationships resulted in marriages and settling down with one another. Why this example you ask? If they could do it then, you can definitely pull through. But before we get into the “how” to maintain a healthy long-distance relationship, let’s take a look at the difference between trusting the process and knowing when to back out.

People are often confused between setting boundaries for themselves and sticking around for that “special someone.” Making it work in a long-distance relationship does not mean you sacrifice your mental peace, self-respect and stability. While it’s quite a feat to get through the rough patches and arguments in the absence of the other’s physical presence, it’s also important to know where to draw a line for yourself. Long-distance is certainly not for everybody. If it’s with the right person, it’s essential to know that they’ll never put you through a situation where you’re forced to sacrifice your peace. It’s important for you to establish who you are before you establish who “we” are.

Setting boundaries, increasing communication and your level of understanding becomes vital. Without communication, any relationship, especially long-distance ones, would cease to exist. Even the most seemingly mundane piece of information like what the sky looked like to you today or the small snail you passed by that brought a smile to your face needs to be communicated. If your corporeal selves can’t be connected, make sure your emotional selves are wholly attached.

Counseling Psychologist and life coach Pranjul Somani talks about how long-distance is not about “having time,” it’s about “making time.” While sometimes it’s impossible to find time between busy schedules, it’s equally important to prioritize your partner and find some time for them during the day. And when that’s not doable, communicate that.  Let them know beforehand and update them about your day over a text if calling seems difficult. All you need to remember is it’s the same person you longed for, the same person you waited for, the same person you have fond memories with and that you do not want to let go. Choose them over the distance, fight for them and trust one another. no matter what.

Here are a few ideas that you can get to know your partner deeper (yes, over video calls!) and spend some quality time together this Valentine’s Day away from one another:

Play the “We’re not Really Strangers” card game: Couple’s Version!

The infamous Instagram page called “We’re Not Really Strangers” came up with a personal game just for couples to not just help you get closer to your loved one but also get to know them better as a person. With over three different levels of “intimacy,” this game will surely make your day a lot better, even though you are away from your valentine.

Hit the gym together

Yes! You heard that right. A virtual date at the gym. Workout together on this special day, hit the same muscle groups, coordinate your workouts and do some cardio (in the gym only please!) Who cares if people think it’s weird or too cheesy? Stretch your boundaries (and muscles!) for the person you love.

Send them hand-written letters via post

Too 1800s for you? Do it anyway. Handwritten letters are more personal and show that you care a lot more than you can verbally communicate. Take it up a notch and add a little bit of your scent on the piece of paper, some of their favorite candy in the envelope or something that’s personal to the two of you. 

Netflix and… sorry, just that

As much as we all would LOVE the option of “chilling” with our partners, maybe next time? Either get all romantic and watch Notting Hill, The Proposal and You’ve Got Mail or change the plantotally by binging some Tarantino flicks, it’s up to you. Grab some popcorn, make some desserts or order in. Either way bond with one another over a few couple movies on Teleparty!

Listen to your favorite music and have a dance party

Be it Apple Music or Spotify, make collaborative playlists together and add some of your songs or discover new songs together. Have one another on video call, stare at each other for hours, work while listening to the playlist or just talk, for hours. Music does half the magic. 

Remember that years from now the past will be a story. The pain you went through will seem worth it, the memories you made will sit framed on the fireplace, you’ll appreciate every second you spend together but most importantly, you’ll be reminded that you fell in love with a person for the little things. It’s not always about the physical touch. Although it sucked that you couldn’t hold their hand when you wanted to, or couldn’t give them a hug when they needed it, you made it through space and time and that’s exactly why everything will seem worth so much more; in every universe and in every world, your love knows no bounds.